Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
