windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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