Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
