I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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