I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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