Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
