So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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