That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
