I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
MIDGETS
????
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
