Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
