when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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