she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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