I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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