so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
