she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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