I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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