its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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