you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
