I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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