That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
