I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
