i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
