the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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