Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
