oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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