I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
