Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
