When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
