wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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