Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
