Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
