Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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