So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
