I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
