u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
