if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
