My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
