I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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