I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
