I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
