We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have post one night stand depression
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