kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
