You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
