mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
