and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
