Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
