I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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