just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
