I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
