It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
