I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
