Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
