Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
