real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
