did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
