the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my liver is dry heaving
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
