Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
