i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
